The Power Of A Positive No empowers you to understand how you can actually say “no” in an understanding and effective way.
Every day we are confronted with situations where we feel compelled to agree to something, when we really do not want to participate. In fact, many times we disagree completely, yet we cannot bring ourselves to utter that tiny little word, NO, because we fear what might happen if we do.
In this brilliant book, The Power Of A Positive No, author William Ury empowers his readers by providing concrete advice and practical examples for saying "No" in virtually any situation.
Joan Borysenko, author of “Inner Peace For Busy People” and “Inner Peace For Busy Women” said that every woman needs a copy of this book. She promises the reader that learning to deliver a positive NO can change your life for the better - it changed her life dramatically in a single week – now that’s powerful!
"The way we communicate with people ultimately determines the quality of our lives."
The Power of a Positive No: Save The Deal Save The Relationship and Still Say No drives home the point delivering a positive No requires courage, vision, empathy, fortitude, patience, and persistence. This powerful life skill is within the reach of everyone, and the rewards are potentially enormous.
“By rehabilitating the word - No, and marrying it with Yes, we can make a better life for ourselves and for those around us. In the process we can build a better world for our children and grandchildren - based on integrity, dignity, and mutual respect”, says Ury.
The way in which we say no is the key. Saying no may seem like a small thing, but over time it can make a huge difference in our lives, those around us, and in the world at large.
Ury acknowledges that changing old patterns of fear and avoidance takes practice. Fortunately, each of us is offered many opportunities a day to practice saying No. We must think of it just as we would think of exercising a muscle. With daily exercise, the No muscle will become stronger and more confident.
Uncovering the hidden Yes, as we are saying No, is a key skill to develop. This accomplishes three useful tasks:
Ury is masterful in how he explains to us how to create the proper balance of No and Yes.
You may be wondering how you can effectively marry a No with a Yes, in other words, a positive No. Ury gives an example of a “No Smoking” sign that he sees while on vacation at a Mountain Resort Lodge. The sign presented it’s No message, but in a very positive and respectful way.
The sign read: “In order to accommodate the pleasure of all our guests. This is a No Smoking room. We ask that you smoke in our smoking room, The Great Outdoors! Thank you.”
The Power Of A Positive No is filled with similar examples of how one can effectively communicate a positive No. Once you understand the concept and give yourself a little practice, the skill can be developed fairly quickly.
As with most challenges, preparation and practice are necessary to develop the necessary skill. Indeed, once you have practiced the method, it takes less and less time to prepare, sometimes only a few seconds. However, initially the more preparation the better.
"The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place."
Another key lesson is how one can “build a golden bridge”. Twenty-five hundred years ago, the Chinese strategist Sun Tzu counseled leaders to “build a golden bridge for your opponent to retreat across.”
Although this advice still holds true today, Ury reframes it more positively; he advises us to build a golden bridge for the other to advance across – toward a more positive and mutually beneficial solution.
We must step for a moment into the other person’s shoes, so we can see how difficult it may be for them to say Yes to our proposal. In their eyes, they may see a giant canyon that separates their ideas from our own. Our job is to create that golden bridge for them to cross over to see the light.
We encourage our Leadership-Tools.com readers to add The Power Of A Positive No to their 'must read' book list.
William Ury, author of The Power Of A Positive No, is a world-renowned negotiator, mediator, and best-selling author. He directs the Global Negotiation Project at Harvard University. Over the last thirty years he has helped millions of people, hundreds of organizations, and numerous countries at war to reach satisfying agreements.
"Any problem, big or small, within a family, a team, or between two countries, always seems to start with bad communication. Someone isn't listening."- Emma Thompson