How to Figure Out What You Really Want in Life (So Your Goals Matter)

Jump To:  How to Figure Out What You Really Want in Life | Quick Start | 3-Step Exercise | Example: From Confusion to Clarity | Success Lesson: Ambition & Life Goals | Chapter Summary | Download eBook

How Do I Figure Out What I Want in Life?

To figure out what you really want in life, you need to pause, look inward, and put your thoughts on paper. Start by identifying a few things that would genuinely make you happy, then explore why each one matters and what it would take to make it real.

When you see your desires, reasons, and actions in writing, your true life goals become much clearer. Instead of vague wishes, you’ll have the beginnings of a concrete direction for your future.

In the next section, you’ll walk through a simple 3-step exercise to clarify what you want out of life so you can set meaningful life goals.

3 Steps to Figure Out What You Really Want in Life

Most people never take the time to clearly define what they want. This 3-step exercise will help you slow down, think deeply, and turn your desires into the foundations of clear life goals.

Step 1: Write Down 3 Things That Would Truly Make You Happy

Take a quiet moment and write down three things that would truly make you happy in life. Think about the next 1–5 years. Don’t worry yet about how “realistic” they are. Focus on what you genuinely want.

Ask yourself questions like:

• What truly makes me happy?
• What do I love to do, even when no one is watching?
• Who is the person I want to become?
• If my children, friends, or colleagues described my life, what would I want them to say?
• How do I want to be remembered?

Be as specific as you can. Instead of writing “more money,” you might write “enough income to comfortably support my family, give generously, and sleep well at night.” Instead of “a better job,” you might write “a leadership role where I coach and develop a small, high-performing team.”

The more clearly you describe each desire, the easier it will be to turn it into a meaningful life goal.

Step 2: Identify Why Each Goal Matters to You

Next, look at each of the three things you’ve written down and ask, “Why is this so important to me?”

Your “why” provides the emotional fuel for your life goals. It’s what keeps you moving forward when the work feels hard, when progress is slow, or when other people don’t understand your choices.

For each of your three items, write a few sentences about:

• Why this matters to you personally
• How your life would be different if you achieved it
• How it would affect the people you care about

For example, you might write:

“I want to become a respected team leader because I love helping people grow. If I reach this goal, I’ll feel proud of the impact I’m having, my family will benefit from greater financial stability, and I’ll be a better role model for my children.”

When your reasons are strong enough, you’ll find the energy and courage to pursue your life goals, even when circumstances are not perfect.

Step 3: List the Resources and Actions You’ll Need

Finally, for each of your three potential life goals, make a simple list of what it would take to move toward it. This turns a dream into something you can act on.

Consider:

• Knowledge you may need to gain
• Skills you need to build
• People who could help or advise you
• Time or money you’ll need to dedicate
• Small actions you can take in the next 30 days

Write your thoughts in simple bullet points. For example:

• Read one book on leadership in the next 30 days
• Ask my manager about opportunities to lead a small project
• Block out one hour each week to work on my development plan

You don’t need a perfect, detailed plan at this stage. You just need to identify a few clear next steps. This is how you move from “I don’t know what I want” to “I know what I want and I’m starting to act on it.”

Once you’ve completed these three steps, you’ll have the raw material for powerful life goals that reflect what you truly want in life.

A Simple Example: From Confusion to Clarity

Imagine a frontline manager who feels stuck in her role. She’s busy every day, but feels like she’s not moving toward anything that really matters to her.

She uses this 3-step exercise and realizes that what she really wants is to:

• Lead a small, high-performing team
• Enjoy financial stability for her family
• Have enough flexibility to be present with her children

Her “why” is to be a strong, positive role model at home and at work. From this, she chooses one life goal to focus on first: qualifying for an internal leadership development program within the next 12 months.

Now she has a clear, energizing direction. Her daily actions can be aligned with what she truly wants, instead of just reacting to whatever comes her way. 

This is the power of taking time to learn how to figure out what you really want in life.

Chapter Summary

In this chapter, you:

• Explored why it’s so hard to figure out what you really want in life
• Learned a simple 3-step process to determine how to figure out what you really want in life
• Wrote down three things that would genuinely make you happy
• Identified why each potential life goal matters to you
• Listed the resources and actions you’ll need to move forward

Keep your notes from this exercise. You’ll use them in later chapters of the Goal Setting for Success personal goal setting course as you learn how to balance your goals, prioritize them, and turn them into specific action plans.

"Winners can tell you where they are going, what they plan to do along the way, and who will be sharing the adventure with them."

- Dennis Waitley

Success Lesson #2: Use Ambition to Clarify and Pursue Your Life Goals

As you clarify what you want, ambition becomes a powerful ally. Healthy ambition is not about greed or ego. It’s about the desire to grow, contribute, and live up to your full potential.

Without ambition, it’s easy to lower your expectations and settle for “good enough.” You may stop asking for more from yourself and from life. Over time, that leads to regret.

With healthy ambition, you:

• Hold a clear picture of the kind of life you want
• Expect more of yourself and your future
• Refuse to let temporary setbacks define you
• Keep your ideals alive, even when others doubt you

Of course, even ambitious people face discouragement. There will be days when you question your goals or feel like you’re not making progress. That’s normal.

When those moments come, return to the work you’ve done in this chapter. Re-read what you wrote about:

• What you want in life
• Why it matters
• The kind of person you want to become

Let those words remind you of the bigger story you’re writing with your life. Use that clarity to keep moving forward, one step at a time.

Ambition, guided by clear life goals and strong values, can help you build a life you’re truly proud of.